Dammit, Blogger!

Why aren't your buttons in order? I keep hitting "save as draft" when I'm damn well done with a post and want to publish~

Isn't It?

It's wrong to want to have a baby just to blog about it.

Boobs & Bits

i was dreaming that i arranged to be part of some sort of car wash
for charity sort of thing, and was naked, of course. so this dude shows
up and wants to take pictures with his digital camera, and i'm like "no
way" and he won't leave until i let him take a picture, which i
really do not want to do.

"i do not want to end up on the internet" i tell him. he says it's
too late. there's already a whole website devoted to astrid goodyear's
boobs & bits.

i go home to check it out, and sho'nuff there it is. boobs & bits.
after a little detective work, i determine there are hidden cameras
ALL THE FUCK OVER THIS APARTMENT. specifically in the track lighting. i
do my best to stay covered with a sheet until the morning, when i can
contact a lawyer.

so somehow i find the guys who are in charge of the cameras, and i
think they're the guys who run the pizza place on the corner, only i just determined that
now. they act all innocent and whatever, but i know it's them. and
after many dream hours/days of arguing with them, some lawyers
finallyshow up and make them take out all the cameras, which ruins the
ceiling and the upstairs neighbors' floor. and they have to take down the
website and stop using my name.

and the thing about it is, usually when i wake up in the middle of a
dream, or start talking out loud, or whatever, the dream ends when i
goback to sleep. only it didn't last night. it went on for a long long
time. and i'm sorry i said you were good for nothing, but i couldn't
believe you'd just lay there and sleep while i was being paraded all
over the internet.

Where have I been?

Seriously! Welcome back, me.

Let the boys be boys

The entire fantasy is this: work, a fight, a file cabinet, and then suddenly mouth-on-mouth passion the likes of which the office would crumble for. Don't tell. The stench is overpowering and the body is too skinny. But still.

Save as draft

Cucumbers in bed! Ranch dressing of the dusk! The vague blog-postings of the horniest. Gandhi never had it like this. Or this. We needs a logo. We wants one. Feeling crimson, throw open the blonds! And the blinds!

hey ho

nobosy home

right now

I love that typo though

hee

Poem

STONEHENGE

O replica
Of course

Seal'd with a
Sign out

You're breaking my heart
Of course

Beneath championships
Glue has dried
Into

Pedestals for
The game of life

I'm sorry take me back but maybe that's just the baco-bits

Such a little bitch, boo hoo. Here's a habit I'd like to break. I feel asleep during HULK dvd. She offends me, that actress. No one just playing someone interesting's girlfriend should get Oscar. Oscar should go to the bold. Or a new award, named Rita. He kisses like a diet Coke feels. Empty? Low calorie, maybe. Silver. Metallic. Get a tic tac or take a hint. Must we play The Clash whenever you're feeling frisky? OOOOOOh OOOOOOh guns of brixton. Friday Night's are allright for fighting also. Now I'm in the middle of a young boy's dream, don't wake me up too soon. Sox win!

[removed by request]

Phew. Glad that's over. How do you other girls put up with it? My crushworthiness will not be televised. Plus, I was too fucking low on the list to begin with. I love the kid but hey I'm a sensation. I nominate Lauren to rejoin the list, myself. Hoo!